Can't
by MadDelight
Summary: My comeback. an alice/bella fic focusing on life choices. sometimes life choices about love are the hardest ones to make. PREVIOUSLY PENNING IN THIS FORUM AS MAZINGENGGRL.


**Title:** Can't

**Pairing:** Alice Cullen/Bella Swan

**Canon or Alt. Universe:** Canon, hopefully

**Summary: **Set after post- New Moon, pre- Eclipse.

**Rating:** T+

**Disclaimer:** Alice and Bella are not mine, nor is the Twilight Saga.

**POV:** Alice

**A/N: Uhm, since I've been gone from the genre for a while. Femmeslash. This is femmeslash. It's what I write. **

**Dedicated to tbplrbear1. **

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I spin in front of the full-length mirror in my bedroom, grinning. The new dress I've just bought is to die for, er well, you know what I mean. Jasper gives me an appraising look, before pulling me into his arms and kissing my forehead.

"My beautiful little angel." His drawl is as sweet as honey. I try not to let the grin fall from my face.

"I've got to go show this off." I bounce around the bedroom. Jasper shakes his head, chuckling.

"To whom?"

"Everyone!" I flash him a bright smile, before dashing out of the room.

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Alone in the forest, I have some distance from it all. A way to shed some light on what I'm doing. And in the light, I can see that this idea certainly doesn't sparkle.

I lean against a moss-covered tree and sigh. This wasn't supposed to happen. I know I am stronger than this. Let's face it, I may be tiny but I can pack a mean punch. But there's been a lapse in my judgment. Momentary weakness. And since it began, since the catalyst, I've needed time alone. To think things through.

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Reflection: Two weeks Prior

The wind is tangling her hair, and wafting her scent towards me. Her cheeks have that wonderful red hue, she's blushing, and smiling, and her eyes convey complete happiness. She's laughing, and enjoying her time with me. I pull her into my arms. Hug her tightly, and find that this touch means more to me than just sisterly love. I find, after one touch I cannot have enough, and she doesn't object. Soon my hand is at the small of her back, rubbing gently. And then I reach up, to stroke her hair. Soon I am standing directly behind her, my arms snake around her waist and I pull her back to rest against me. Not wanting to let go. Her body has gone still, but her heart is pounding, her blood racing. And I can resist, if only because this feeling is so new. In nearly a century, it's like nothing I've ever felt before. She doesn't resist. But there is confusion, and it's emanating from both of us. Are we both feeling the same? Or have things gotten far too out of hand just from one single moment. One simple touch. This is more than sisters, and it holds more meaning than either of us can possibly be aware of in this exact moment.

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It's raining, pouring actually, and I realize that I should be worried about my new dress getting ruined. But I'm not. I've realized that something grew out of that moment of confusion. Not quite sure as to what is the catalyst, I find I am afraid to continue in the direction things could easily head. Problem is, I initiated it. With my touch. With my actions that so foolishly said, 'I care for you in more than a sisterly way'. I never expected an urge besides bloodlust to be so strong. I never expected anything like this.

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I jump on the tree outside Bella's window and toss a rock at the glass to get her attention. She glances up from her book, and already I can hear her pulse quicken.

I light onto the floor and avoid pulling her into a hug, considering that I am soaked, and it would probably only make matters worse.

"Alice..." Bella must see something in me that I don't realize I am conveying. She is quite observant sometimes.

And in her I see: A human who is confused by the circumstances, but ready to take the leap if I am. Ready to fall into the games of the heart blindly with me.

I step forward and brush a piece of hair behind her ear, as gently as the breeze. "I've missed you." I nearly sigh, realizing this is misleading.

"I've missed you too. I've been so confused. I wish you could've helped me through it." Bella's cheeks redden.

"I needed time to think." I watch as Bella nods. We take a step closer towards one another. The tension in the room noticeably rising. I can't help the next word that slips from my lips. "Beautiful." I stare right into her brown eyes.

Bella takes another step towards me until we are merely inches apart. Her voice is shaky, her cheeks completely flushed, and yet, she is the brave one in this situation. "I love you already."

I sigh, nodding, wanting only to hold her again. To steal from my brother what is rightfully his and to keep it safe for as long as she'll let me. "I know. I feel it too."

Bella's eyes fall from mine, it seems my words weren't exactly what she wanted to hear. Before I realize what I'm doing, I step forward and place a tentative kiss on her lips. We both freeze. She pulls back first and I shift nervously until she pulls me into a warm embrace.

It's a careful touch that says more than any words ever could.

Bella pulls back, smiling tentatively.

"Bella, I can't." There is a stabbing pain in my chest as these three simple words pass my lips.

And from one small phrase our future is crushed. There is no _our_, or _us_. There is only these separate lives- Bella. Alice. We are alone. Separate entities just circling each other.

There's so much pain in the human that I can't bare to stay, can't bare to watch the aftermath of what I have caused.

I flit out the window and run through the forest, barefoot in the pouring rain. Knowing that I might always regret the night I turned away from a chance at forever love.

* * *

**A/N: Life is about choices. Sad but true.**


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